I think you have to upgrade your laptop often or you won't keep up with the increasing requirements of software. I have a similar flow as you do (tons of apps, tabs, Linux workspaces, code compiling, video running etc). I also get easily annoyed when I do some basic stuff and all of a sudden the computer lags behind, is stuck etc.

in the end I went with a desktop computer (if you have the space and you don't mind losing portability - I also have a Dell XPS in a pretty good shape for when I need it). It does waaay better when it comes to multitasking, never gets sluggish, much easier to upgrade, no throttiling/overheating problems, cheaper.