I think one key disconnect is that some people form complete sentences in their head before they speak, and have an opportunity to effectively “edit them”, as if you would read and edit an email before sending. Others, like myself, communicate a thought directly from mouth to brain. I try my best to change patterns and think about my words in professional settings, but, every additional thing I must avoid saying is effectively another branching point in the filter function for my speech. Each individual thing may not be a big inconvenience, but cumulatively, it becomes quite an inconvenience. In the last few years, I feel a constant pressure and anxiety about the words that I say. I have no bad intention and really truly don’t want to make anyone feel bad, but no one cares about my intention... once I say the wrong thing it’s done and I’m judged by others for it. This is the first time I ever heard of “fell on deaf ears” being offensive, and I can definitely understand why, and I’d never want to make you feel bad by saying it, but it’s yet another common phrase to add to my list of filters. I’m now thinking of all of the people who I may have offended by saying it.
I feel like context is everything. If I said that in context of a deaf person not hearing something I said, that would be offensive and hurtful and rude. If I said it in the context of an objection I raised being ignored, it should be understood that I’m not literally referring to deaf people. If I said something was “the straw that broke the camel’s back”, everyone knows I’m not literally putting straws on a camel.