It has been a while since I read the book, do they give a reason for step 1? Because it feels like there is only one possible answer to that question, which makes it feel a weird to me now.
They also emphasize that you should give /only/ positive feedback for quite some time before starting to give negative feedback. That would probably go a long way to soften things enough that one feels they can say no when appropriate.
(There's a whole set of things to do if the direct /always/ says no, of course)