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Comment by ed25519FUUU | Hacker News Reader

> In the world of taarof, politeness holds the place of honour. In its name, people refuse when they want to accept, say what is not meant, express what is not felt, invite when it is not intended, replace bad news with false hope. By doing so, they try to say what they “wished it were” – without ever admitting that it isn’t.

Maybe it’s my Americanism, but I’m absolutely happy this is not how it works here. “Yes is yes and no is no” works better for me.

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As a German, I am amused by USians or British claiming to be direct in social interactions. There are books and courses about how the english sentence "we might have to reconsider" means "no". How you would offer sweets twice, because of course the first answer will be "no" and the other party will want to be "convinced" to say "Yes" on the second round. How "a little help needed" means "big catastrophe, need a lot of help right now".

Problem is, you are used to those things and don't see them from inside your culture.

I’m 100% in favor of moving towards a more “German” approach to language.

British (especially English) culture is famously indirect, and this is well known in the UK - see e.g. the popular show "Very British Problems".

Analogous things exist in the USA. When Southerners tell someone passing through "Y'all come see us sometime", that doesn't literally mean one is welcome to drop by -- it may well be that they don't even care to see the person ever again. The phrase is often used purely out of politeness.

By contrast, I’ve meet many southerners for who the hospitality is genuine.

Cultures that both value and extend hospitality are the best. Shows a value of humanity above all the other hubbub.

When Americans say "how are you?", think about how often there is no interest whatsoever in the reply, or, how often the reply is not truthful.

I was 2 months into my first job in the US when I worked out that my manager used "How are you?" as a greeting, no different from "Hello". No answer was actually expected.

It felt odd not to answer a question asked of me, but I'm used to it now.

I think this "taarof" exists in varying degrees in all cultures. In the USA it is obviously less extreme but still exists in some scenarios.

For example, people routinely ask "how are you?" as a polite greeting without actually caring (or wanting) to hear about the deeply personal thoughts of another person's feelings.

Or trying to shop somewhere where nothing has a fixed price and instead you must haggle.

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