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And I've had exactly the opposite experience in the UK. I think this depends entirely on the workplace.

In that case, I'd be trying to keep my birthday a secret!

"I wasn't born. I just ... slowly coalesced over a year or so, just like celestial bodies do."

Yeah. I've worked in multiple places in Europe and people except you to bring a cake or something.

They might pitch in and buy you a small present, in return.

But they definitely expect you to bring a cake or at least some sweets.