The value of a bitcoin is the rarity of owning a coin is limited and the way it works opens up transactions globally. The price is the market demand.
A bitcoin address gives you a unique global address decentralizated that funds can be sent to. There is utility to that function.
Using your description the internet is a magic place faeries built that provides no usefulness because it's virtual.
The internet provides utility. Bitcoin provides speculation and crime.
>Bitcoin provides speculation and crime.
Everything valuable can become a tool, or a reason for criminal activity.
Bitcoin is the best performing asset of the past years compared to stocks, gold, commodities, etc.
The rarity of owning some paper with ink on it!