Ask HN: Any family business owners out there?

Yes. Second Generation. Working for the past 4 years in my dads Software firm.

Great opportunities to learn people management and customer management. The company is highly profitable.

But it has completely destroyed my relationship with my parents. This is primarily due to a mismatch in expectations. I previously worked at several unicorn startups, went to an Ivy league uni.

The pace of work in the family business is completely different to what I was used to - it is very laid back and running on zombie mode but with millions in profit.

Covid isolation along with this laid back approach to business really caused in a strain in our relationship along with the fact that we were all living in the same house( asian country ). I was supposed to take over the company in 2023 but that does not seem really possible now and I am currently job hunting ( they are not aware - I hope to leave on good terms ).

Mixing business with family might have been the worst decision I ever took. It might have worked if we have worked from different cities or something but living together pretty much destroys any work and life seperation. Any professional disagreements spill over into your personal life.

Second Generation. I worked for 12 years in my dads accounting firm and built a custom app for the firm while I was there. Dad couldn’t let go so eventually I knew I had to move on. It was very painful to leave but I left on good terms in the end although it took a while it was worth it.

I’d recommend the book ‘breakthrough companies’, the first concept in the book is the importance of ‘crowning the company’ which separates all successful businesses that outlived their founder/s. Especially relevant in family business.

If your parent does not want to hand over the reigns, and you’ve stayed for loyalty, often it’s very healthy to leave (even just for a while) and reset expectations.

Consider doing a family vision document, the Coopers Family in Australia which is a major brewery and something like 7-8 generation did this earlier and the values defined later helped stop a takeover when some extended family members were open to a major corporate buy-out.

I love arrested development (netflix) couldn’t watch it until a while after I left.. too close!

Nice movie ‘Kinky Boots’ - A drag queen comes to the rescue of a man who, after inheriting his father's shoe factory, needs to diversify his product if he wants to keep the business afloat. Lots of feels for inheriting Gen.

FWIW I had an in-law who was an outstanding salesman and whose father owned a very successful chain of shoe stores. The old man proved unwilling to let go of the reins and eventually drove wedges between himself and every one of his children. He destroyed the business all by himself and eventually went insane (thereby avoiding even responsibility for what he did).

I saw mostly the effect on the eldest son who was one of the best salesmen I've ever met. Have you ever met someone who could quietly tell you how something was made and of what it was made and still hold your interest? He could do that to an individual or to a class of students.

But the breakup with his father shattered his self-confidence and he turned to a series of minor managerial jobs in various production facilities. Today he's getting by, but I remember the bold and bright salesman that he was and smile.

I believe employment in a family business is a trap that can be very seductive but should be avoided. Children should always first go outside the firm for employment.

First. Kids are disinterred. Family useless at best, cookie jar at worst.

I might do the Japanese thing and adopt my manager and make my “daughter” inherit the thing.