Top 5 Regrets People Make on their Deathbed

Interesting read, which also says I'm doing most things wrong.

Original (kind of disingenuous to just copy / paste the whole thing with a link at the end): http://www.inspirationandchai.com/Regrets-of-the-Dying.html

Of course these are from a selected environment - those dying with time to reflect. I imagine there is a whole other class of regret the: I wish I hadn't done that/put my <body part> in there/opened that door/said that etc. etc. moments before death.

But yes, far too many people live their lives as though they are going to get some sort of prize at the end: "Yes you suffered silently all your life about some thing you could have changed - here's a gold star". The only person measuring your life is you. The people around you will on the whole appreciate you more if you are fulfilling your self. Obviously there are those that won't - family or otherwise. You need to get rid of them - you don't get a prize for putting up with their crap either.

"Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it."

Take it from an old guy, pay attention to this. I've buried both inlaws and my father since late January this year. When you lose your health, you also lose the little things in life from a very real perspective. You can't hang with your friends any more. Your free time evaporates because of all of the doctor visits. You may need help getting there. Also, the idea of spontaneous activity becomes a memory, because you have to plan yours around medication and appointments. And, of course, that affects the plans of those who love you (although they will deny it).

I watched someone close to me die over several months. Her only regret seemed to be that she was dying.

I don't believe this list of top 5 regrets is based on research at all. I suspect that it is mostly only in TV, movies, or novels where a person on their deathbed contemplates things they would have done differently. Usually the impending death overwhelms all other thoughts.

I'd like to say that I'm surprised by the lack of introspection and thoughtfulness that I'm reading in these comments, but instead I'm just disappointed.

Perhaps most people here are just too busy living in the hubristic stage of their life to imagine that there's anything to be gained by occasionally listening to the wisdom of those who've gone before us.

Why is the framing of looking back on your life from your deathbed seen as more valid than any other point in your life? Are there good arguments for its validity?

When my father was dying there was only 3 things he wanted to do: 1. Get up from bed because he was uncomfortable. But had to lay back down because he was too weak. 2. Use the bathroom, becase he didn't want to use a diaper 3. Waiting for his mother to come get him. Towards the end, #3 is all he wanted. There were no regrets. Initally he was worried about his wife, my mother, but we told him everything is going to fine.

isn't there a kind of statistical / informational bias here?

you can simplify the trade-off between work and pleasure as one where you need to work enough, earlier in life, to survive for some some unpredictable amount, later in life.

so when you're making the decision about how much to work, and how much to play, you have incomplete data - you don't know when you will die.

but when you are dying, you do have that data. with hindsight, you can decide exactly how much work was necessary. then it's easy to say "damn, i still have x dollars left that the kids will enjoy instead of me". but only with the hindsight you don't have when you're making the decision.

now you can argue that what this means is that we should shift the balance beforehand. so that less people are regretting some money in the bank, and more are dying from neglect / starvation / lack of care because they don't have money late in life. but if i had a choice, i think i'd rather have worked a little too much, than face that.

so this regret seems like a natural, predictable outcome, based on the lack of information (about the time of our own deaths) and asymmetry of outcomes that we face.

[of course, you can argue that (1) the above is a very simple model and (2) we can still adapt - for example, to try find more interesting work - while alive. i am not arguing with those points, only pointing out regret may be the optimal solution to at least one simple model]

And sunscreen... don't forget the sunscreen.

Flippancy aside, there's nothing that makes these 'end of life' desires any more meaningful than 'prime of life' impulses.

I can tell you that it's not just those on their death bed who face these regrets, but the families surrounding them as well. My own experiences have taught me that my real moments of happiness come from enjoying my family time. Work provides some satisfaction: those little victories nailing a project, or scoring a big contract, but it only lasts until the next one. A job well done on a project hardly can compare the moments you capture with your spouse or your children. I think from some of the comments, it could be that you just haven't reach the point in your life that this difference becomes apparent. I would have never guessed before having children that I could be so happy -- they are just entirely different emotions. I suspect a lot of folks under hospice care are old enough to recognize this difference, and regret spending their early years trying to earn their way to happiness, and missed their childrens youth. I think our generations, especially with the work-from-home movements, will be different though. We get to both raise our children and work just as hard -- it's no longer a choice to be made.

I would be far more interested in: Top regrets of generally successful people on their deathbed. I don't read people magazine for life tips, I read HN.

I'm not very sure that deathbed regrets are a good indication of how to live, or even of what was truly important in people's lives.

Vaguely related, I used to have days when right before falling asleep I had some regrets about the day, like having wasted time.

Nowadays I tell myself to STFU and just go to sleep, because I know that next morning I'll realize how ridiculous and sentimental these kinds of regrets are.

When you die, there is no next morning. I think and hope that when my time comes, the only regret I have will be that there is no next morning.

I sometimes wonder: Of those people who said they'd work less/be happier/live truer etc how would they feel if they really did get to redo their lives with that ethos? Would they regret different things? Would they wished they'd worked even less, or perhaps work more?

I was expecting something like "I wish I had worked harder" as opposed to what I found in the article - "I wish I didn’t work so hard". In a way, that’s actually relieving. Perhaps, I am too alive to think that way.

It's interesting to note that people regret things they didn't do, not things they did (like mistakes they made).

I wonder what the average generation is of these people. I would expect most to be Baby Boomers, which would make sense for a lot of these regrets as their lives were shaped by a time when most had to start working in their early teens and to not show their emotions, at least for the men. It would be interesting to compare to a later generations dying regrets.

Is this any more relevant than the top 5 things that people say when they get fired?

People say that they want lots of things but what matters is what they're willing to actually do.

>4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

You could say Facebook is fulfilling the top 4 of people life regrets.

Most people, I imagine, don't really know what they should be regretting. For instance, it is possible one could regret not keeping up with old friends, while in reality it would have been a detriment to happiness. Humans are known to look at the past with rose colored glasses.

I'd always wonder if I'd seen enough tits.

1. Most of this advice contradicts itself. 2. The 6th regret should be 'I wish I didn't have to resort to stealing other people's content to get to the top of HN'