Could you share your XMPP setup? What server? What clients for the various operating systems and what setting?
Rather than trying to reimplement stuff that other projects have done quite nicely, we're focusing on trying to grow the community, network and ecosystem with projects like easy onboarding[1] and Snikket[2].
[1]: https://blog.prosody.im/great-invitations/ [2]: https://snikket.org/