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Comment by codq | Hacker News Reader

Unfortunately, with a 9-month old roaming the apartment, I haven't been able to enter a 'Deep Work' state in months.

Child-care isn't an option due to COVID, and since I work freelance while my wife has a full-time job, I've been the de facto Mr. Mom, squeezing in work whenever I have a free 10-30-minute block—which isn't often.

By the time he goes to bed, I'm fried from taking care of him all day, and entering into a productive 'deep work'-state is nigh impossible.

Advice to anyone considering having kids: try to live near a parent, and/or plan for childcare if you wish to get 'deep work' done. For caring for a child is, itself, 'deep work'.

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The only way I could get anything like deep work (and it was a much shallower version still) was to get up before the kids.

I used to be a big time night owl, with hours of productive coding possible after 11PM. After kids, that was impossible as you described. Now, I get up at 5:30-6:00 without an alarm after many years of dragging myself through the day after setting an alarm.

I found it much easier to drag myself through dinner, bath, and bedtime reading and then go to bed myself than to do all that and then try to do my computer work.

Cal Newport thanks about this situation in his podcast. The short version is: when you're responsible for taking care of a child, that is your main work.

In most scenarios I've heard on his podcast, there's some scheduling between the parents around who's working and who's taking care of the child when. If you're full-time on kid duty, you don't do deep work.

Yep. I'm resigned to this fate for now, and apart from the occasional ventings about the day-to-day stressors (such as this very post ;), can't really complain.

It's a good thing he's cute!

WARN: You'll teach your kid by example. If you are stressed and unhappy because of those unsatisfactory squeezed 30 minutes they will notice. And you'll realize a year later that they were noticing.

I didn't understand what a kid was until she (4yo) corrected the flawed logic of something I just said. Then I realized that all those sacrifices (career included) were worth it.

It gets better once you can use kindergartens... BTW, old parents are not an easy solution in covid times. They are population at risk.

I hope some of this is useful to you. Now I have to prepare some milk to the kid that is dancing around my desk.

I feel for you. My wife and I had a hard time in the first months and our kids are much older. I do not think it can be done with infants.

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