Ancient Egyptian manual reveals new details about mummification

Ancient rectangles with pictures of fruit have been unearthed. The rectangles are believed to have been part of a religious ceremony of prayer and reconcilliation with the Ancient Server Pantheon of gods to sumnmon the growth of fruit-bearing trees. It is not known whether such "trees" actually existed in the past. Most scientists believe that "trees" were figments of the primitive imaginations of our ancient ancestors.

The purpose of the archaic rectangles was discovered after GhI, the student who had unearthed them, accidentally spilled a simple solution of quarks from his shirt pocket, mysteriously powering the rectangles. Upon powering-up, the rectangles displayed previously unknown hieroglyphs. The heiroglyphs are under investigation by the CIA, which is believed to have secret information on the glyphs, due to the CIA having existed since Neanderthal man lived.

The lead archeologist, Dr. XyZ of Mars University, noted that this sort of amazing technology is, "outside of our current understandings of the universe and cannot be dupicated with our current level of knowledge". To the derision of his colleagues, Dr. XyZ immediately called a news conference with the Free Peoples of Mars, Venus, and the 1000 Satellites of Love. At the news conference, Dr. XyZ stated the rectangles and the Server Pantheon prayers had been used to create the giant rectangles which reach to the sky in the ancient cities. The Empire CIA Building is the most famous of these sky-rectangles. Dr. XyZ was immediately fired from his post.

The 17 year cicada is only in North America, so the Egyptians wouldn't have known about it.

Though coincidentally, it is sometimes called the Pharaoh cicada -- because of the sound it makes, not because of anything Egyptian.