A good friend of mine once told me, "I often feel like my purpose as an engineer is to give business dudes a reason to have meetings."

That statement always rings true to me during performance review and goal setting seasons. This stuff is mostly bullsh*t. "Goals" - as described by OP - don't exist at small startups. It's clear what the goal is: build a product, get customers, grow revenue, etc. The goals of a FAANG company aren't different. If "goals" were actually important, they'd exist ate startups too. Because they don't, it's pretty clear that the pessimistic comments in this thread are correct: they give HR a concrete way to avoid legal liability when it comes to raises/bonuses/promotions/terminations.

It's totally frustrating. I understand OPs sentiment. Unfortunately, the only way to avoid this red-tape nonsense is to join a startup.