Author doesn't understand the unstated point of standups, even though he does allude to it when describing his thought process.

> I start thinking about my update to prove I should keep my job

In non-contract-work development, the entirety of Agile is micro or maybe "mini" management so that less performant people are managed into average performance. (The downside is that high performance people are dragged down to average. This is acceptable because it's infinitely easier to hire average and below average people who don't live and breathe the product.) The standup specifically puts very public, social pressure, on people who would otherwise be happy to be the slack that others have to constantly take up.

As such, it serves a critical function and is not a waste of time at all. The author just isn't seeing the forest for the trees.