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Comment by diob | Hacker News Reader

Unfortunately, I feel like this is one of those things that those who haven't experienced trauma first hand tend to dismiss.

Maybe it's because folks assume traumatic events are something the person can't help but constantly think about.

But for me, and I'm guessing most others, you tend to simply block off that part of your psyche. For example, I have forgotten my sister during introductions in the past, despite the fact she didn't leave my life until I was eleven. And I suppose she didn't really exit my life then either, she would continue to show up over my teenage years as well. But it's like my mind wrote her out of existence.

Also, when I write about the events of my past, I tend write them from a perspective that is dissociated. It's hard to explain. But I think it's a way of protecting myself. Like pretending the events happened to someone else.

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> this is one of those things that those who haven't experienced trauma first hand tend to dismiss.

So do many of those who did. Having experienced a trauma doesn't imply even remembering it, let alone being consciously aware that was a trauma, still actively affecting you.

> Having experienced a trauma doesn't imply even remembering it

I've even seen the same thing happen in people who beat their depression.

A few friends of mine were depressed in the past 5 years and are doing well now. However, they are having a very hard time understanding and helping a currently depressed friend. They know this friend is depressed, they see the signs, they have talked about it, but because they themselves are not suffering from depression right now they are genuinely having a hard time understanding it. They find it incredibly difficult to not blame their friend for not calling back, "being lazy", etc.

Having a deep depression is, if not exactly traumatic, certainly something that I’ve blocked out of my psyche in the same way.

I suspect that might be at least partially because, in some cases or for some people, getting out of a deep depression might involve kind of disowning or denying the kinds of emotional states and thinking that were part of the depression. If the depression was hard enough, it could be that one doesn't want to feel them again, and genuinely understanding a feeling requires feeling it at least in some way.

This is just a hunch, based on personal observations, not any kind of psychological theory.

I’d like to add that this also sometimes goes along with either being in denial of having experienced trauma or convincing oneself that the experience “was not that bad after all”.

Been there, done that. To the shock of the people who witnessed said situations, who couldn't believe I dismiss them. I just can't remember being that bad.

Definitely true. I realized talking to my therapist that I was afraid I would be chastised for talking about my trauma or abuse.

This to me feels like that event, the exit of your sister from your life may be considered somewhere on a spectrum of post traumatic stress - stress that's formed the development of your thinking and feelings patterns - and not necessarily considered as a dis-ordered or dis-eased state.

MAPS.org did highly successful research for MDMA-assisted psychotherapy in treatment of PTSD in veterans; ~80% of non-placebo participants who had average of 17.5 years of treatment resistant PTSD, after just 2-3 sessions with MDMA (100-125mg) - with non-MDMA sessions initially and afterward for integration etc - no longer had PTSD after just 1 year; Rick Doblin, the founder of MAPS - Multidisciplinary Association of Psychedelic Studies - had said from his own experience he realized the most important part of any psychedelics you take is doing the work to integrate whatever you unlock to have access to again.

Yeah, to be honest her exit was the least traumatic thing that happened. She's just collateral damage in my brain's attempt to section things off.

I've been watching the MDMA treatments with some hope that they'll become legal and mainstream in the USA.

I think psychologists / therapists are also to blame.

I faced some kind of trauma as a kid (who hasn't), and while visiting a therapist to see if therapy was right for me regarding my lack of sleep and depression the therapist constantly tried to make me believe I was molested as a child and was blocking that memory or had forgotten it.

Maybe he was trying to do his job well, perhaps it's a common scenario and I showed all the signs of being such a person, but it didn't sit well with me at all. I didn't remember any such thing. No one in my life stood out as someone who would so such a thing. I could have forgotten such an event but so could anyone on Earth. I really didn't like this suggestion and how commonly it was repeated and the questioning of my memory and sanity. I eventually thought therapy is not for me and left and I imagine I'm not the only one with such an experience.

The book “Try To Remember” lays out the terrible damage done by such therapists.

I'm not the person you replied to, but it looks very interesting. I will give it a read.

Thank you.

This was common for a while, and the backlash against it is one of the things the article is addressing. I for instance have very little memory of my life before 18, and accessing that has been taking many months of intense therapy. There was a time when literally any memory recovery would’ve been regarded as highly suspicious, and it’s true memory isn’t always exact, but it’s not as if my therapist is implanting suggestions. They all come from my mind and they do not guide it, only expand.

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