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Comment by throwawayboise | Hacker News Reader

That's how virtually every friendship starts, isn't it?

I think loneliness is something that goes deeper than how many friends you have. You can be surrounded with people and still feel lonely.

I think that's depression. I'm guessing these tips are more for the technically lonely, which is probably a much higher number in the past due to WFH and quarantines.

It's also having shallow friendships

That's not true at all. Also, historically, there's been a trend of attributing negative things to depression. I've read John Cacioppo's work (here's an interview: https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2017/04/how-lonel...), and as far as I know it's both scientifically well-founded and at least somewhat actionable.

I would agree about attributing too much to depression. I'm not saying depression isn't real, but there's a motivator to attribute things to it because it creates more customers for pills that will allegedly fix it.

As someone who has depression (via bipolar), this over-attribution is real and it hurts those who actually need help. Medication is literally a life-saver for me but no one should be taking it if they don't need it.

Ah well I agree with the second sentence, but having friends is different from just being around other people.

And I guess if you really have friends and still feel lonely, making more friends might not help much.

Never. Friendship comes from spending regular unstructured time with other people. It’s very hard to make real friends on purpose.

That just isn’t true. Meeting a stranger, realizing you enjoy their company, trading contact info, deciding to spend “structured?” time together. This is most of my friendships and all of my relationships after university.

Only the first meeting has to be incidental. Expecting all future contact to be incidental is how you let all could-be friendships and relationships pass right through your fingers.

Take a little control over life.

A sure way to become the "random guy at the store who thinks we're friends". No friendships start like that.

I met a very good friend of mine in line at a restaurant. I'd argue it all comes down to your mindset - I'm not even that extraverted. At least in the midwest this is incredibly doable and common.

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