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Comment by diehunde | Hacker News Reader

I know it's probably not your intention, but you are shifting the blame from Jon to Yifan's parents. I hope this doesn't stay as the first comment in this thread.

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It wasn't my intention nor do I believe that's what I'm doing. I'm simply using this event to highlight to other current and future parents like myself that we need to overcome our discomfort with discussing sex with our children so that we can provide them with tools should they ever find themselves in similar situations. I posit that her parents hadn't had those conversations, but I'm also not blaming them in any way if they hadn't, nor am I try to shift blame away from or to anyone.

That is why I was explicit in my request that people not put words in my mouth or read between the lines.

Asking for that doesn't take away the fact you decided to focus on how the victim's parents could have prevented that instead of focusing on the crime itself. It's an indirect way of blaming the victim instead of the accuser. We see this all the time when women get killed and someone says "we have to tell people it's not safe to go around alone at night". First, let's try to fix the real issue and then we can focus on stuff like that. And again, I know it wasn't your intention, but sometimes the impact is more important that the intention and this is still the first comment in the thread. People come, read this and then the idea of parents educating their kids lingers instead of how to stop predatory behavior from men.

If you want to suggest this wasn't the forum to bring up the topic of parents discussing sexual situations with their children then, fine, I'll concede to that. I believe the subjects of parents educating their children can coincide with how to stop predatory behavior, but I'm willing to accept the desire to discuss them separately.

However, to suggest I'm blaming the victim is the epitome of putting words in my mouth and I soundly reject that suggestion as nothing short of offensive. I have done no such thing, nor would I ever.

I respectfully ask that you retract any such suggestion.

Imagine for a moment your daughter was the one in this situation. She decides to share her experience and the first comment you see is "parents need to be better at teaching their kids about sex". How would you feel?

This is not about blame, it's about protecting people.

There will always be Jon's and worse than Jon's out there in the world. They are to blame indeed. But what are you going to do about it? How are you going to protect yourself and others?

Taking measures for protection does not mean you are to blame.

I think this comment is saying "here is something that some of us can do that might help prevent these kinds of situations in the future". In my opinion, that's a productive contribution to the conversation, and does not imply that Jon is any less guilty.

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