Comment by kohanz | Hacker News Reader

Comment by kohanz | Hacker News Reader

Having kids is a personal choice. In order to have them, you should want to have them. It's a gut feel. Conversely, if you don't, you shouldn't need any supporting arguments or evidence to justify that choice to someone else. It's your life. I get the sense that you already have the gut feel, but are looking for supporting evidence and I would ask "why?". The worst thing someone can do is have kids when they don't want to. Keep in mind, this gut feel can change over time.

My perspective: always had a gut feel that I wanted kids. Now have 3 young ones. Is it hard? Yes. Would my life be "easier" without them? In some ways (practically) and likely less so in others (emotionally, spiritually). Are there moments where I wish I was childless? Absolutely. Do those moments last and would I rather have a life without kids? No, not by a longshot. It's cliche, but I can't imagine a life as full and changing without them. Keep in mind I'm talking about me and my life here, not generalizing. A childless life can be just as fulfilling, if not more, for someone else.

The problem is when your gut is inconclusive, or when there’s a biological clock. Anecdotally from my experience, those are both common.

I don’t know why this is being downvoted.

I would say that plenty of people have kids by accident or because it’s expected of them then biology takes over.

I would say people that know they want kids 100% from the get go are probably in the minority it doesn’t mean that those who don’t love their kids any less or aren’t as good of a parent.

It also doesn’t mean that you can’t feel that you want kids and then regret it once reality sinks in.

I seriously can’t understand who would downvote this or why. The grey area of gut is literally the purpose of discussions like this one. I’m in that grey area and it’s like being stretched out by the limbs and waiting to find out which will give.

My experience has been "I want kids but I don't feel ready". To which I can now say "you never will". Not even with the second one. So jump in when you have a decent job and that's it.

As for the gut feeling, the problem is that it's hard to be exposed to what make children amazing because some if these things are obviously reserved to parents.

Letting your child fall asleep on your lap, because it trusts you completely is always a fantastic feeling.

Just get ready to forego a good chunk of your freedom for a few years, but be aware that it happens gradually. At 3 months you still have a somewhat decent life. At 2 years you need to be mostly dedicated to them.

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