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Comment by rasputnik6502 | Hacker News Reader

i dont think this is relevant, she's not the only female developer in the team and i have rather a positive rapport with everyne else. It's just how the normal work situation becomes twisted into personal, full of self-defense and finger pointing, with potential to develop into crazy if i dont back off.

PS after giving this one more thought, i dont think i ever patronized someone because of gender, but must honestly admit i assume the mentor tone when dealing with unexperienced/less skilled developers. Shoot me, but it's not about maintaining my feeling of superiority, i know my skills. It's about building a rapport - if the other person reacts properly then there's hope for cooperation, if it's just games then sorry, i dont want that.

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> i dont think i ever patronized someone because of gender

Do you habitually call any of the men you work with "boy"?

i can call my coworkers boys and girls here, it's not relevant - as long as i dont do that when interacting with them. If you feel offended by use of 'girl' or 'boy' in such context then it's your choice, i cant do much about it.

You can call them that, sure. Do you habitually call any specific man "boy"? Because, whether or not you intend it to be, many women find this specific pattern that you're exhibiting to be patronizing.

Well, if i called my coworker 'girl' in a conversation with her then it would be patronizing and belittling. But when i use 'girl' to refer to a female coworker in an internet discussion, without identifying any person, then how this can be patronizing and to whom?

Maybe we should stop using the word 'girlfriend' and say 'womanfriend' instead?

And btw what about 'girls in tech' organization? Is it patronizing?

If nothing else, it highlights, an (at least) unconscious bias on your part. Language matters, and you can work on it.

Boyfriend/girlfriend labels are equitable, and that relationship implies a familiarity for which a diminutive is typical and appropriate. Notably, this is not a professional relationship.

Girls in tech is about recruiting and supporting female children interested in tech. That's okay, because they're children. Your coworker is an adult, and it behooves you to treat them like one. For example, if she isn't acting like an adult, that's an issue to address in a professional manner, rather than call her a girl behind her back.

[quote]Girls in tech is about recruiting and supporting female children interested in tech. That's okay, because they're children[/quote]

Ok i can swallow being accused of thoughtcrime (at least!), and will punish myself for it, but are you implying 'Girls in tech' is engaging in illegal employment of minors? That's a bold statement.

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