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Comment by mylons | Hacker News Reader

this was my entire experience in San Francisco with almost everyone I met. i’m not that introverted, people seemed to like me and hang out with me at work. Once they or I left, I essentially never heard from any of them again.

I noticed this in other people too. Their entire social circles revolved around work. People had weddings that essentially only co workers went to.

Those years were the loneliest of my life.

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This is also a silicon valley problem. Lots of people move there to get the big job and make money. It attracts a certain kind of people. People who prioritize their career and income above other things. You also have the challenge that a lot of the people moving to SF might only stay a few years, so you have lot of turnaround. People are not focused on building long-term friendships and relationships because know that they or others might leave. You also see this on the dating scene. I found silicon valley to be an unhealthy living environment on multiple levels.

> Those years were the loneliest of my life.

What did you change to turn this around?

Thanks for asking. I started therapy, and left. I moved to Tahoe in 2019, where I had actually made a few friends due to skiing ~40 days a year or so while in SF. I ran into some friendly people at an Alpine Meadows pass holder party awhile ago, struck up a conversation over a Blackhawks jersey and life in Chicago. Something that might happen in SF all the time, but would rarely if ever lead to a relationship.

The hardest thing for me, still, is I'm working at a company that has a similar vibe to an SF tech company with a lot of people moving here or our other office for the job. That sets up the transactional/ephemeral relationships from work. It's very hard for me to distance myself from getting self worth out of my work and relationships at work, but I must do that. The "I must do that," is an insight from therapy.

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