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>> Your pay is forever tied to what you used to make.

It's not just a psychological "avoid the subject" kind of trick. They literally refuse to give you raises no matter what. In my last job, I was likely the top developer in the company (the company had hundreds of millions of $ of runway just sitting there) and I was putting constant pressure on my boss for a raise and promotion for years (they even admitted that I was one of their top devs). Instead of trying to give me a good deal, the CTO snapped and threatened me with violence - The next day, I continued the discussion and was still pushing forward with my demands (threatening to quit) and they refused to give me anything at all. I had a nervous breakdown right there (first time ever in my entire career) and I ended up rage-quitting (it got to shouting and personal insults).

The only reason I took things this far was because I thought the system would finally yield some rewards once I showed enough initiative and ambition (backed by years of hard work and delivering great results). It didn't.

The system is completely rigged. It's an illusion that there is any kind of meritocracy. Once you really buy into all the "you control your own destiny" rhetoric and start to push yourself and others beyond the limits you thought you were capable of (when you start to impress people with your skills and ambition), you realize that it achieves nothing. It's all a big show.

"It's all a big club, and you ain't in it" - George Carlin

If you push yourself beyond the bounds of the expected, one good thing happens. Other companies are more willing to hire you.

Pay rises happened to me several times. Promotions within the same company, never. The way to step up, as on a proper stairway, is to also step forward.

I only realized a bit later in my career: If you ask for more and they refuse then bail out. You can nearly always get a raise just by moving companies so find one that rewards your efforts. My current employer is the first place I have felt like my achievements were appreciated and the appreciation resulted in financial rewards. I barely had to ask, let alone beg or fight for it.

Yeah, nobody gives raises anymore. The only place ever got raises, they were tied to a union contract that just happened to benefit me (a non-member). Every other place would give bonuses or 1% "raises" that didn't cover the increased insurance costs. Pay scales were only used to hold down salary, "we can't bring you in at the top of the pay scale".

I changed companies 15 times in 15 years (changed countries 4 times) so I'm familiar with this phenomenon. It seems so artificial. Like a scheme. I would definitely have changed companies fewer times and wouldn't have left the country if I could just have been paid what I was worth.

It sounds like you took a particularly closed off and insular view of the ‘you control your own destiny’ meaning.

You left - you took control. You didn’t take control early enough however it sounds like, and started interviewing and looking for better options before losing emotional control and exploding.

You could have done that at any time. We often close off our own options and don’t really look to pursue things due to perceived risk, lack of experience, etc.

If you’d come in with a resignation letter, you might have walked out with a raise - and for sure either way had a better deal. If you’re not willing to walk away, you’re never really properly negotiating - you’re asking for favors.

The more you’re able and willing to walk away, the more of a real negotiation it is.

It can take decades to save up the capital necessary to be in this position. Some people have it by nature of who they were born from. It is what is is.

Based on what I've heard and my own experience, raises are a pittance anyways. You have to change jobs.

My manager did the opposite, praised me for being the top dev, gave me a 7% raise, said that's the max they could give anyone, asked me not to tell the others.

The problem with being "the top dev" is there's no one to learn from, so I started looking for other opportunities anyways.

Never mentioned my old salary, and new company offered me 50% more.

And when salary comes up in general conversation the new company frequently mentions apologetically that they're a smaller company who can't afford to pay as much as others.

Raises cap out here at 6% if you're absolutely phenomenal.

I worked for at least 15 companies (of all different kinds) over 15 years and the last time I worked with a developer who was smarter than me was 5 years ago. I've been working nights and weekends on open source projects too so I think I must be near the top in terms of skills... But somehow that doesn't translate to even moderate financial success. I find myself more alone and less appreciated than ever in spite of the fact that I've never been more performant, sharper and more knowledgeable.

I can deliver extremely high quality projects (in very complex areas) at an unparalleled speed and can turn a team of junior developers into 10x developers but nobody cares and many less experienced developers disagree with my approach in spite of the fact that I keep proving them wrong over and over.

To give an idea; I've build a blockchain ecosystem in 1 year for $0 (only paid in the new crypto before it had value)... My closest competitor has been working torwards the same thing for 5 years and it cost them at least $20 million.

Companies thrive (or die) off the difference between their costs and the amount they can get paid by customers.

There are many unscrupulous bosses that will use underhanded tricks to convince people to take less pay to help widen that margin. In my experience it is ultimately self defeating and results in lower quality people staying. In the short term, it is amazing what people can be convinced to accept (been there when I was younger). It’s also amazing what people can feel entitled too beyond the economics of a situation.

I’m glad you’ve been making some inroads.

Step 1 is fixing the ‘I can’t afford to be out of work’ part - it puts you in an incredibly disadvantaged negotiating position. You’re holding yourself hostage essentially.

Sometimes this is purely psychological (been there). Everything is so stressful it’s too overwhelming to look. It’s worth figuring out a way to get the emotional space there, or you’ll always be stuck.

Sometimes it’s already insufficient pay, in which case figuring out a way to interview for the higher paying job or get credentials for a better role is the best way forward. Sometimes partnerships with others to help save on costs (a classic traditional reason for marriage and cohabitation) can be really good for everyone.

I've had to change jobs in the past. A sudden job loss would be difficult; but I would have moved on if they hadn't given me the adjustment. I'm still getting offers that are similar to my new pay. Once I spun up my jobs network it takes awhile to spin back down.

I'm not a hard negotiator and I frankly don't want to be. I prefer to give a little when I can, and I'll just move on if I feel I'm being abused. There are too many other opportunities to stick around where you don't feel appreciated.

I’m glad you’re not actually that on the edge - I hope you believe it when push comes to shove and don’t forget.

In many cases, not feeling valued means you’re not getting the value you could be - and that can literally be millions of dollars over a career difference.

> The next guy to convert, was able to negotiate harder and I believe he ended up with a higher rate

This is why salary negotiations are inherently unfair* (and salary info does get around even in companies that try to keep it secret -- if it's fair who cares if it gets around?)

* unfair because of an asymmetry: a hiring manager with any experience will have a higher n in negotiating hires than any employee will have negotiating their own comp. Also unfair because it pays for more for a skill not needed in most jobs (negotiating a feature in or out of a codebase is not the same thing). It is fair when the job calls for it (e.g. CEO or a VP of Business Development)

Don’t ever tell a new company how much you currently make. And if you’re not looking for a new company, you’re selling yourself short. Of course the current company isn’t going to give much; why would they?

Everyone here is talking about it like the company owes you something. They don’t owe you anything. And it goes both ways: you don’t owe them. So get out on the job market and get yourself what you’re worth.

Company doesn't owe me, but needs to meet my expectations of they want me to stick around. I'm always surprised when companies can't understand their high turnover.