> The standard function naming and argument ordering is inconsistent and stupid

This is quite hard to fix, as it would break almost everything. So you'd end up with a Python 3 situation. However, as of PHP 8, it's less of an issue. If you can't remember the order for arguments, you can use named arguments <https://3v4l.org/cY1PB> like so:

    strpos(needle: "foo", haystack: "foobar")

> It throws errors written in Hebrew

If you're referring to T_PAAMAYIM_NEKUDOTAYIM, this is no longer true as of PHP 8: https://3v4l.org/2T8qQ -- the error is just this:

    Parse error: syntax error, unexpected token "::", expecting end of file

Internally, the token is still called T_PAAMAYIM_NEKUDOTAYIM, but you can also refer to it by T_DOUBLE_COLON: <https://www.php.net/manual/en/tokens.php> and I suspect eventually they'll phase out the Hebrew spelling.