It costs me $15-$25 to do a bank wire with my credit union, and afaik, that's on the lower end of things compared to banks.
Its free but not anywhere near instant (although your conversation was not about speed). The instant version of SEPA exists in a thin patchwork, which might solve the most common use cases of people in the same country using that country’s largest banks. Everything else is pretty much the same as ACH in the US in that it also takes several business days, and is also free.
There's this thing called lobbying over here. It means if you have a lot of money, you make the laws. Apparently, those with the money making the laws don't particularly care to do what you've advised. Thank you for your understanding.