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At least donate them to a charity...

No, I don’t respect any charity enough to deserve the keys. Sorry.

Sorry this is off topic, but you seriously don't respect a single charity?

There are a ton of amazing charities doing incredibly underfunded work. Even small amounts of money can make a big difference.

I'm an academic researcher that studies nonprofits. I could recommend a few if you like?

I said I don’t respect any charity to give them my keys, not that I don’t respect any charity full stop. No thank you to your offer.