"Mir ist grad mein handy in den Landwahrkanal geplumpst"
Geplumpst! Sounds exactly the right word for what just happened.
"Jetzt könnte ich ein Bier gebrauchen"
Couldn't we all.
"Hahaha and now what"
"Great question"
"Now I could use a beer."
Basically means something fell or as Google Translate says "flopped" -- however, GP seems to be excited over the apparent onomatopoeia in the word because it evokes the sound of something falling in water.
> "Mir ist grad mein handy in den Landwahrkanal geplumpst"
This essentially says "My cellphone fell in the canal!" but with the delicious "geplumpst" word sound.
> "Jetzt könnte ich ein Bier gebrauchen"
This exclaims "I could use a beer now".
My cell phone just fell into the Landwehr Canal
> Jetzt könnte ich ein Bier gebrauchen
I could use a beer now
(Google's translations, not mine)