Ask HN: and now for something completely different, am i crazy?
I'm an HN anonymous coward, only posting this mostly because i trust the community.
11 years ago i met a very special girl, over IRC (yes that long ago) from another city. We met, felt in love and ended up 01101101011000010110101101101001011011100110011100100000011011000110111101110110 01100101 , both for the first time together.
I was hardly mature at the time, couldn't envision a long distance relationship (didn't even had wheels at the time) and we stayed as friends.
A few months later she moved farther away for college, met some started dating and some time after, i started to think back and regret what i had lost and fought for her 2 years. It was teh first time of my life where i had set a goal, worked for it, fought for it and ended up succeeding.
We ended up dating for 1,5 years and 30k kilometers but after that, i started having depression and stress issues due to cronical psicological health problems with my father. Also i has decided to move out of my parents and be independent, which in my close culture was very difficult. My parents were angry, my (ex)girfriend thought that i wanted to be free to have some wild parties in tha house and so on and i fell to the pressure of it all and ended up leaving her, twice, in 3 months. And i repressed all the feelings i had, due to not being able to deal with all the pressure and unhapiness.
After 6 months, she told me she was seeing someone else, i felt jealous and all the feelings surfaced again. Needless to say that, i ended up doing everything one should not do to try and get someone back, like pressuring, being possessive and so on, which only resulted in pushing her away to the other person. She ended up telling me that she didn't want me to disappoint her a third time, which is understandable, and i was "closing a door to the future with her", acting that way.
That was 7 years ago, and after trying to move along with my life with 2 persons and not being able to go over a line, since i still have feelings for that person, a lot of difficulties dealing with my feelings, unstable emocional and financial life, i'm at a point where i still believe i love her and want to fight for her love too.
As far as i know she is not currently in a relation but has told me very recently that she's interested in someone and doesn't think of me as more than a friend (erhm "i believe we were never ment to be together").
I recently broke up with my second girlfriend and i'm at a point where, as a freelancer, i don't even have money to buy food today, but in the last week i worked had to finish a gig, not thinking about paying the bills and etc, but with the intention of buying an engagement ring and sending it to her with a letter (she doesn't want to see me because "i still have feeling for her"), explaining that i'm not really hoping that she'd say "yes" or decide to try and build a relationship as soon as she opens the box and sees it, but as a symbol of what she means to me and what i really wanted with her, to be as happy as possible, make her happy and share our lives together, hoping that she feels something with that act, because like i said, i really believe that i love her and if i don't fight for her, i know i'll regret it all my life.
Am i crazy? In the least for sending an engagement ring to someone who i didnt even had a relationship for 7 years?