Ask HN: Recovery from burnout, what did you do? | Hacker News Reader

Ask HN: Recovery from burnout, what did you do?

23 pointsdirtybirdnj8 comments

Hello HN,

I'm a software engineer with about 10yrs experience living in the US. I've had some really bad luck with my last few jobs and despite my experience I'm having trouble feeling like I can do things within my career, even those I've previously been qualified for.

My lack of ability to positively change my situation has caused me to experience significant and persistent burnout, depression, stress and anxiety. I've been out of my chosen field for at least 6mo and the past 2yrs have been a checkerboard of mismatched employment and unemployment.

I recently took a job outside my field to try to get my mind in a better place but it's just caused further anxiety due to the financial stress it's adding to an already bad situation. It's also a very low paying job that is physically demanding... so I'm pretty much destroying my body for no good reason and I feel stuck and unable to find a way out of this job.

I find it very difficult to imagine I'm the only person in a situation like this, and I'm definitely not the only person struggling with work after COVID.

I'm hoping other people can provide some info on what they did when they found themselves in a similar situation.

Thank you for any suggestions, ideas, comments or whatever.

Get your money right, as it’s always a primary cause of stress. Look, life sucks. Hate to resort to Christian ideology, but accept the suffering. It can be hilarious and tragic, but trudge through.

I don’t think I have a magic silver bullet.

But one thing that I try to do is to keep people around me and maintain family bonds and friendship. I talk a lot on the phone with my mother, brother and friends. Every second week I meet up with local friends to just have a drink and chat/catch up. A “gentleman’s club”, if you like. (We are lucky enough to have a place we can borrow for our meetings, so it’s more calm/intimate than just hanging out at the pub.)

I believe this helps me coping with the misery I feel from time to time.

Talking with family and friends has been incredibly valuable, this is great feedback and I wanted to comment on it because it's super important.

The one caveat I'll add is that just like ourselves, other people can get tired of our constant struggles and I've found therapy to be a very effective way to have someone trusted to speak to while not overloading the people I need to depend on with my problems.

I agree that there is no "one thing" to do, right now I'm just trying to figure out the strategies that other people have used so I can pick and choose the things that might work for me.

It sounds like what you are experiencing is way beyond anything I can comment on, but I'll put these anecdotes here in the hope that they contribute to the eventual solution.

There was recently a blog posted here (which I can't find) that was nominally about video game development, but had a great post about the burnout and subsequent recovery from burnout by one of the game's developers. It answered for me a lot of the questions about how to get beyond burnout that I had been experiencing. To summarize, the author stepped away from coding for a couple of months. Only later, when his interest drove him, did he begin to dabble in it again, and slowly take on more again. I think the abstract solution is that there needs to be a recovery period where the source of stress and anxiety has been removed and the body and mind have a chance to get back to 'normal'.

Personally I've found that major attention and prioritization to sleep and exercise and lots of time off (much less than 2 mo) has made a big difference. Also, finding a solution to the cause of all this for me, which was too much work brought on by others leaving, has really helped. I've also spent time thinking a lot about the 'why' I want to do what I do. I has been really good to ponder these thoughts (and think about the feelings they invoke) and I've found my motivation returning again since.

Best of luck to you in figuring this out.

Your story suggests that there are a mixture of motivations behind your choices. And obviously all the difficulties of the pandemic mixed in to mid-career changes.

Have you considered talking with a professional therapist?

Even in ordinary circumstances people often find that helpful. And even without any other sources people find the pandemic reason enough for doing so. Good luck.

Absolutely interested in this path and actively following, I left a therapist a few months ago and I'm just starting with a new one.

I think the most powerful thing the therapist offers is a reasonable and trustworthy 3rd party perspective untethered from family or work obligations.

The downside is it takes a long time, and it's either very expensive or can be questionable in efficacy.

The only cure for me was time away from hierarchical power structures. So, I took time to work on my own projects. I know this isn't an option for everyone but I've been doing this for quite a while and love it. I had money saved though and live like a miser.

I took two months off. It was expensive but worth it.

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