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Eventually all bitcoin will be lost. It just might take a while.

Presumably the hackers will recirculate their stolen Bitcoin by spending/cashing out. Likewise Bitcoin seized by law enforcement is auctioned.

"Money has three primary functions. It is a medium of exchange, a unit of account, and a store of value"

Crypto/BitCoin currently delivers mostly on the last one "store of value". So the hackers keep them. Indefinitely.

Because Bitcoin is much better designed and implemented than 99% of altcoins/shitcoins/tokens/etc.

It's lacking features.

You could argue that paper money lacks the features of bitcoins so it's easier to lose your funds inadvertently with bitcoin.

Shitcoins use literally the same source code as bitcoin.

Not completely true.

Dogecoin for example has some config changes to block size that make transactions cheaper.

It's factually "better" as far as code goes.