Point taken, although there definitely are third parties who skim off the top (transaction fees).
$1 billion would take a day to clear, but it would still be 100% free.
Irreversibility of such a transaction would be ridiculous for all parties involved, of course they don't offer that.
Also, opening bank accounts these days is done entirely online and usually you get approved within an hour or so. Apart from having to scan my ID with my phone's camera, I don't remember any bureaucracy.