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Clearly they mean that TikTok is so bad it's actually shrunken our ancestors' brains posthumously.

I think you meant retroactively.

Shrinking brain strikes again

after a hard burn out I can assure you I saw that my brain actually left my skull (and is now tiny far away on the horizon)

It's been pulled by the event horizon.

Surely it's been pulled by what is beyond the event horizon, not the event horizon itself.