Comment by teekert | Hacker News Reader

Comment by teekert | Hacker News Reader

Isn't this called Autism (spectrum disorder)? I've heard stories about people coming of age suddenly realizing that people less intelligent then them are better at the social game, how can it be?? And then they realize it is something others are born with, others don't need to analyze and learn all the time.

A friend of mine on the spectrum recommended "The Tao of Badass" to me once, he tried to have some conversations on the bus after reading it, he said it worked for him, but still tired him out, he just didn't care. Makes smile, I'm sorry. I have no idea how it is, I was born with the skills, apparently.

FYI, I find this friend to be a fascinating person and a good friend. He hates change, he still lives with his parents pushing 40, but he is so real, so genuine, it's all I want in a friend. He'll never ask about my weekend, and when he does I feel it's fake (applying tricks from Tao of badass), he'll ask what my favorite thing was yesterday or how something makes me feel :D. But we can have passionate discussions about sci-fi or philosophy. He said he was called a high functioning autistic person, I joke that this means he is almost human. I got to know him at work, he could be exhausting, standing at my desk for literal hours asking questions. But I felt that I was a poor scientist if I couldn't answer them or explain why I couldn't answer them. He deeply appreciated that.

He works somewhere else now, I send him a message every now and them. I invited him to meet each other some time back. It was fun, he'll never contact me, but I don't mind.

>Isn't this called Autism (spectrum disorder)? I've heard stories about people coming of age suddenly realizing that people less intelligent then them are better at the social game, how can it be?? And then they realize it is something others are born with, others don't need to analyze and learn all the time.

I suspect aspergers is wide but not necessarily the definition of bad social skills. Social skills are easy to learn. They are skills and do require training like any other skill. If you've never had the opportunity to learn them, you will end up later in life realizing you need to learn them.

Saying "someone is just born with it" is called a fixed mindset approach[1]. It sets you up for failure. I used to be hideous with talking to people, but I worked at it and, most importantly, _believed that I could improve_.

1: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mindset#Fixed_and_growth_minds...

I agree with the importance of avoiding a fixed mindset, but, recognizing that some people are born with a skill and you are not does not mean that you can't become adapt at said skill (I went through something similar with math, although I still feel like I lost my fear of math rather than becoming really good at it)... Or find your own "way of the ninja" (sorry too much Naruto, thinking of Rock Lee ;) [0])

[0] https://naruto.fandom.com/wiki/Rock_Lee

To take this a step further, we cannot control the regulation of our neurotransmitters to the degree of giving a person with autism social skills. That's just not how things work, so in a way it IS a bit fixed. We are fixed to the range of what we are born with, unless we use some sort of pharmacological intervention.

When it comes to autism and social skills, some interesting treatments may come from mu-opioid receptor agonists and antagonists

Just to add a note:

Mu-opioid receptor activity is one piece of the regulation for how rewarding tasks are, this includes the reward for socialization

Perhaps there are limits indeed, but when will you reach those hard limits? Or is it just hard to push those limits? I'd say the latter.

To answer this you need to look to genetics and epigenetics. Those are the hard limits, and I would advise against making assumptions before you do consult experts on gene and receptor protein regulation. Those are the mechanisms that underlie the adaptive features of an organism (humans are organisms)

We have no way of knowing someone’s full potential and how close one is to making full use of it. But I think we can agree that it will be the people that try hard that will win more, relative to peers with the same potential that don’t.

Acknowledging that some people picked up a skill with little effort and others will need to put in a lot of effort is important.

Often, the people who picked up a skill as if born with it are good at the skill, but unprepared to teach it. You may need to seek out people who learned it intentionally and became experts with awareness.

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