Why not simply have the discussion in the review itself? Must we merge everything, just so people feel empowered? It's chaos to have to constantly revert and/or refactor everything. People should be empowered not by the merge, but by the progress.
They key, from what I've seen, is to facilitate useful conversation. Keep comments relevant and people will learn. Avoid politicking, while still providing evidence for your case. Typically, show your own work. The best review points clearly towards a better result.
Finally, acknowledge your own limitations as a reviewer. We're all human, to pretend otherwise does yourself and others a massive disservice.
(But what do I know. I've been out of the game for a while now.)