Good Game: <seemingly terrible thing happens> Good! Now I can ....
Eg. My husband is divorcing me. Good! Now I can find someone who loves me deeply and doesn't leave ice cream containers composting on his desk.
My upstairs neighbors are hella loud and annoying. Good! Now I can spend more time visiting family, out and about with friends and at the gym getting ripped.
My research study failed. Good! Now I can devote my extra time to writing up another protocol and considering what else I want to work on.
A massive pandemic has me working from home and not leaving the house. Good! Now I can read all those books I've been wanting to get to and haven't had the chance.
> . The idiom sour grapes is taken from an Aesop Fable called The Fox and the Grapes. In the story, a bunch of grapes hangs from a vine, just out of the fox’ s reach. The fox tries all manner of maneuvers in order to obtain the grapes, but he fails. The fox walks away muttering, “I am sure they are sour.” The moral of the fable is: “It is easy to despise what you can not get.”
Clever fox. I'm sure he found some nice chicken eggs to steal instead of those grapes anyway.
Good! I can choose my hair colour when picking a wig.
Good! Big penis is not comfortable for partner.
Sometimes you can't think of a reason why something is good. Learn how to believe not knowing the reason it's good yet is also a good thing.
Be very careful when doing this with other people's problems. 99.99% of the time if someone else is struggling, it's a mistake to see the good in it. Usually it's best to acknowledge and learn about how the situation is so difficult... say "That really sucks!" and let them be the one to see it as a good thing if they want.
Good! Now you can live through rough times and prove your own fortitude and resilience to yourself and the doubters.
This kind of reframing have never succeeded with me, they only make me want to jump faster because of everything that I will never be.
My favorite tip from the book was to think of the worst case outcome of whatever is stressing you out and to realize that in the grand scheme of things it's probably not that bad.
And, perhaps a chat with your doctor is a good idea in any event.
Good for you for thinking how to work for the better.
It just feels more realistic, more pragmatic. More grounded in how the world actually is. I really like it.
You are missing out on things, bad things will happen, and one day it will all come to an end.
Now that we got that out of the way, recognize your body is a machine and you have at least some control over it. Get some exercise, change your location, give some attention to what you eat, connect with some people live. Make your body do something other than what it is doing.
The exercise answer is really tiring. It became a universal remedy
If we analyze what OP is saying we can rapidly see what he wants.
Essentially he wants a long life where he gets to delay death as much as possible, live to 100 as a very rich person so he'd avoid missing out on things , stress free, and with the minimum amount of personal tragedies.
All the amount of exercise in the world won't magically summon all the luck that it's necessary to be in the 0.000000001% who can claim to be fortunate enough to satisfy all the requirements set by OP.
When the brain wants all the above and you throw at it a 20mi run...well let's say that if the brain was a person it'd look back at you and say something like :
"Do I look like an idiot? Give me what I want , not this BS run or else I'm gonna make you miserable and no amount of running will change that"
Since we're all humans with human bodies there are universal ways to better our emotional and mental lives. There's a reason there's no obese 80 year old people.
OP has been very clear in expressing what he wants.
How do you think exercise will enable him to do so? As you can see from his requests he's looking for some serious luck in 3 distinctive and uncorrelated domain (longevity, wealth and family life) not to lose weight.
Exercise improves that. Here's a bunch of literature.
https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/more-evidence-t...
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/22933142/
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1470658/
Regardless, exercise isn't the core method to weight loss, that's change of diet.
> As you can see from his requests he's looking for some serious luck
No, I disagree.
OP said:
>I am constantly worried that ...
Op's request cannot be solved through fulfillment of their apparent presentation. Look at what is behind them.
Worry is a state of mind. Even if they were fulfilled to YOUR satisfaction, worry could still exist in someone else's mind in the exact same position. Worry, OP stated, is their core problem.
“Man is not worried by real problems so much as by his imagined anxieties about real problems”
― Epictetus
Do you think exercise is potent enough? To me you'd need psychedelics such as LSD, Salvia and DMT given the scope of the problems we have to distract him from
Please reach out to me (same username on Twitter) if (3) ever gets out of hand or if you have any questions about my suggested steps.
Have a great day and I hope others chime in with some actionable steps, too.
One miracle out of three attempts isn't bad, so I'm very happy I gave it a try. For an interesting overview of psychedelic therapy generally, check out "How To Change Your Mind" by Michael Pollan.
Beyond that, the most simple advice is the best that I think you can hope for here. Make sure that you are taking care of yourself, deeply. What do you need right now? To eat, to sleep, drink water, go for a run? Listen to those needs and act on them before anything else.
Good luck. You only have one life. Make it the best you can.
https://www.amazon.com/Power-Now-Guide-Spiritual-Enlightenme...
Take water as one example. It causes trees to grow that we use to build our houses, but it can also cause wood to rot and decay. Water gives life, but it also takes it away. If rot and decay were to disappear, we could not have solid wood to use and enjoy. We can replace rotting wood and rebuild houses when they decay.
Everything will be OK. Both good and bad things are part of life. They need each other.
It's a good book. It probably won't solve all your problems without you needing to do some inner work, and I generally recommend meditation as a way to find peace, but also you should read the book since it directly answers your question :)
It comes down to not worrying about things that are not in your control, focusing on the aspects of life that provide real meaning and enjoyment, and surrounding yourself with people who make you your best self. Among other things.
Yes, it's a book nearing on 80 years old but the advice is solid and timeless, even in these frenetic days.
This could be a mindset thing, or it also could be a specific to a diagnosis that may be helpful to have to better understand yourself. A qualified therapist will be able to help you figure that out.
Also medication can help. Taking anxiety medication felt like turning off a switch that controlled an alarm siren in my brain. Some people are opposed to medication, and to them I say: grow up. Talk to a doctor.
Try to go out and enjoy the little things of life, a chat with a friend/family, a hot drink, a nice shower, a sunrise! Hope you get to feel better
2) It will. Either you will die an early death, which many would consider bad, or you will live long enough for other bad things to happen.
3) For me, Christianity solved for this. I was an agnostic for over three decades and for various reasons, mostly metaphysical, I became convinced of the necessity of a nonmaterial dimension to reality. I live my life with joy and gratitude in my heart every day. Obviously I think that’s the best path otherwise I wouldn’t follow it. But whatever your conscience and intellect might lead you to, you should ask yourself how your beliefs are shaping your life experience. This isn’t a dress rehearsal.
There are of course many other more or less effective paths to take, ranging from Epicureanism to Stoicism and many more besides. At the end of the day though you either believe some higher power gives your life meaning or it’s on you to give your life meaning.
For what it’s worth procreating makes most of this seem ridiculously childish and irrelevant, but I think one had best sort oneself out before doing that.
I first read it ten years ago, and I still use the tools on a weekly basis. Changed my life, and the lifes of two other people I gifted the book to.
You can get a gist of his method in this podcast: https://www.listennotes.com/da/podcasts/the-aict-cognitive/d...
Point being: create art, which obligates one to develop an inner-confidence in one's own truth. That sense of irrevocable pride can provide one with a sense of certainty in the outcome of one's fate in life. Oh, and it will make one feel good in the process. Because art requires a communal, social, outreach in order for it to create a positive response in other people's lives, their own hidden truths which have just as much significance as yours and are being impacted by a world which is otherwise imperceptible to them - namely your own. :)
Have you done any therapy? sounds like you could really benefit from CBT to help you deal with catastrophizing..
"Catastrophizing is a way of thinking called a 'cognitive distortion. ' A person who catastrophizes usually sees an unfavorable outcome to an event and then decides that if this outcome does happen, the results will be a disaster."
CBT can help you understand how to get out of such negative feedback cycles in your own head.
This constant worry may also be a symptom of some kind of anxiety disorder, which has its own calvacade of legal psychoactive chemicals with their own sets of side effects and problems you could look into getting someone to prescribe to you.
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/4866.How_to_Stop_Worryin...
I read it many years ago. You essentially just have to take each day one at a time. Live in the now.
I think that even to someone who is not a believer, it can be helpful.
First, I start by expressing gratitude for something I appreciate. There's always something, even if it is being alive, breathing, and if you're lucky enough, walking, roof over your head, able-bodied, etc.
Throughout the day many things happen which we can be grateful for, but we tend to overlook them, unless we intentionally cultivate a gratitude habit.
The second part is asking for forgiveness for anything we regret doing one way instead of another. Whether it is being impatient with someone, or missing an important detail, or losing our cool, etc.
Even without contacting a higher being, you can ask for forgiveness from yourself, and that helps one stop dwelling on past mistakes and focus in living in and enjoying the present.
And the third part is asking for help, I guess this is what makes it a prayer. I ask for help often, and I get it, though not always in the way I expect. But even on a materialistic-deterministic way it can help one focus on what to look out for, and notice opportunities which one might have otherwise overlooked.
I usually avoid asking for something too specific, and instead ask for things like help with progressing my work, help with thinking positively, help with bringing more joy into someone's life or my own, etc. This is also a good opportunity to pray for help for others.
2. Probably, but you can only work with what you've got.
3. Work on being comfortable in your own mind, and make a home that reflects your mind, then you will be comfortable in your own body. In that state, your existence is self-explanatory.
Get offline. No news, no social media.
Read old books. The older the better.
Exercise strenuously and regularly. Sweat. The best exercize is the one you do regularly.
And you're not alone, this has felt like a pretty stressful time to me, and I've been around for a while.
Whatever you do just make sure you are informed, psychoactive drugs are a serious matter.
The only plus I see is your corpse becoming impervious to decomposition, providing a post-life career as the Amazing Mummy Man in traveling freak shows. And as the fellow cleaning up after the elephants in the circus said, hey, at least you’re in show business.