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Comment by Mezzie | Hacker News Reader

If you're gay, this is true. Especially if you don't live in a large city.

I've just given up on finding a wife/partner. My options are just... bad.

if you're in north America, take heart that its not your fault! The American dating market is absolute garbage.

I've been traveling around the world the last few years and have had no problems finding casual hookups and longer term relationships. I'm currently dating a beautiful Colombiana. I would have thought she was out of my league if I was still living in the US.

> if you're in north America, take heart that its not your fault! The American dating market is absolute garbage.

What do you mean?

People can't handle truth and I'd rather not be downvoted to oblivion. Suffice to say, the american dating market is heavily geared towards attractive white men over 6 ft tall. They better also be a millionaire if you're in the bay area.

I'd suggest traveling like I have to southeast Asia, Europe and latin America for extended periods of time and see for yourself.

> Suffice to say, the american dating market is heavily geared towards attractive white men over 6 ft tall. They better also be a millionaire if you're in the bay area.

The lesbian dating market is a bit different. ;)

haha thats probably very true. I'd say don't give up!. travel as well, it'll enrich your life and make your more interesting to that special someone when you finally meet her. I wouldn't be surprised if you meet her in your travels.

What you're actually saying is that you are unable to compete in the American dating market, and so you're moving to other less competitive dating markets where you might be more highly valued. Obviously since this is HN we can't consider the female perspective, but if we consider the female perspective, the American dating market is probably pretty good because it offers a great number of attractive white men over 6 ft tall.

I completely agree, if you're a straight woman (especially white), I'd def recommend staying in the united states.

My advice is specifically for men because thats my lived experience.

It's not specific to the USA, in France the situation is the same, most of the young women want the 'alpha male' so if you're not one, you have to wait until you're older..

It made being young much less pleasant than it ought to be, plus it means that we were a bit old when we had children..

And now we know why Hong Kong is basically full of French men.

That’s interesting. I wonder how much that applies to South Asians though. I think most of the dating advice in these threads is tailored towards white people who have different experiences from other POC.

I am south asian (srilankan american) so my advice is comming from the perspective of a person of color.

The best places for dating for a south asian male would be southeast asia, turkey and latin america. White guys definitely have an advantage when going after women that specifically want a foreigner. We're able to get the ones that would otherwise prefer to date within their own country.

I had some success in europe but it was hit or miss. I'd say it was a pretty neutral experience, I felt like the deck wasn't stacked for or against me on average. latin america on the other hand was where I had my best prospects.

In my experience, latinas in colombia love the way we look. If I asked 10 women on a date, I'd easily get at least 8 to say yes and show up while white foreigners I met in medellin would frequently complain that colombians were flakey and prone to cancel at the last minuite. The exact kind of behavior I'd get from white women in america. These days I have one that I absolutely adore so I'm off the dating market but every day I'm shocked that I have her because living in america drove into my head that someone as smart and beautiful as her was completely out of my league..

That’s really interesting to know. Happy to see another desi doing really well.

From my experience (being a lesbian myself), I found my fiancé on a discord server, and most of our friends also found their partners either through LGBT bars, LGBT online communities, or through art communities, tumblr, deviantart, etc ^^

Yeah, there are some unique wrinkles for me. I do like Discord a lot, actually. (I used to spend a lot of time on IRC so...) Most of the things I like, the Discords tend to skew pretty young for my dating comfort, since one issue I have is women who want therapists/mothers instead of a partner.

The other is that I work in politics plus have a politically-diverse family and so I would need a partner who is comfortable being around and loving people who disagree with them politically. Many LGBT people in queer nerd spaces like Tumblr, fandom spaces, art spaces, etc. prefer to live in a political filter bubble (I'm not judging if it's for mental health reasons; I think people have the right to associate with whomever they want), and that's not compatible with my life direction or values.

Being a statistical minority within a statistical minority is exhausting sometimes. I'm super happy you and your fiancee found each other, though! I hope you have a wonderful wedding and many happy years together.

And no LGBT bars in my area. I am NOT a big city person. I gave it the good old college try. I tried multiple countries and coasts, even, but nope. I'm a small city person. I like my hometown. It's dope and the cost of living is low.

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