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Well, then I must do something wrong. I run my personal email server based on Debian stable on my own SBC hardware in a colo for a couple of years now . Manual maintenance is just upgrade to the next stable Debian version every 3 years or so. I had zero of the problems you describe.

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Yeah, me too. My life was basically set up and forget. Except for that time I upgraded my instance and the upgrade came with an unexpected and unwanted IP change. Unfortunately it seemed like the new IP has been used for spam and I had to spend some time clearing my IP status. But eventually everyone understood and my IP is clear and shiny now.

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