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Comment by microtherion | Hacker News Reader

OP is basically a "Wish I was at Home / They Don't Know" meme in essay form: https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/i-wish-i-was-at-home-they-don...

Smoothly ditching a party they don't feel stimulated by is not the worst strategy in the world. But some people I know have the skill of finding a subject of conversation with practically everyone they meet at a party. One of them has literally talked to British Royalty, yet seemed to have no difficulty holding a conversation with a man with limited education, some substance abuse issues, and assorted other difficulties in life.

It seems to me that this is a valuable skill to aspire to. And if at first glance nobody at the party seems to have anything in common with you — maybe that's all the more of an opportunity to hear about views and experiences outside one's usual circles?

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The ability to speak to anyone doesn’t necessarily mean that you never feel lonely at parties. Good conversation is a two way street after all, and if you can’t find someone to challenge or interest you, then you can talk to people all night and not really get anything out of it. I think we all know that feeling, even those who aren’t as “gifted” socially as others.

I don’t think the solution is what the author does though. I mean, If you really can’t find someone interesting to engage with at any party or social event… I mean it’s a cliche to say this, but maybe it’s you?

> The ability to speak to anyone doesn’t necessarily mean that you never feel lonely at parties

The ability to extract valuable entertainment or information from all conversations is, though. I am no expert in this, and I have actively fled from conversations that started to center on someone's hobby horse without much escape or diversion, but I know people who can enter a conversation on anything and, even just by asking smart questions, emerge better from them.

I envy those people.

You can still feel lonely while asking those questions and keeping other party engaged. Because it is one way discussion. You are saying things to engage and fun the other person. But you yourself is not getting connected nor feeling like you are engaged or expressing yourself.

I mean, it can be fun and enjoyable, but it does not help loneliness, no more then business meeting.

> It seems to me that this is a valuable skill to aspire to.

It's simple actually, the techniques in winning friends and influencing people is a good place to start. Most people love talking about themselves and their interests. In reality, for anyone seeking relationships and real connections, "tricking" people to talk about what they want is empty, hallow, and disappointing. It will almost never be reciprocated.

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