I'm pretty sure your text doesn't do what you think it does. Dual-licensing means that there are two licenses and the user can choose which one to use. The GPL + commercial combo works because there are reasons why commercial entities would want to avoid GPL licenses. Mainly, to not have to release whatever they are building as GPL too. So when you give a choice of GPL 'BUT also' commercial, there will be people who will opt for commercial to build their closed-source application.
However, if you give an MIT + commercial combo, there is no reason why one should opt for the commercial one. Unless your commercial license includes some SLA agreement or something as a carrot.
You seem to think that you can enforce use cases for the MIT license, which is not really the case. If you attach conditions to your MIT license, it is not MIT anymore. Neither is it open source.
Not everything has to be open source though. I think something like the Fair Source license [0] aligns with your intent better.
[0] https://fair.io