Give me a call when PHP ditches backwards compatibility and cleans out all the shit from the standard library - 5845 global functions always available, most of which you are just supposed to know are shit... Just a nightmare.
Checks out!
Well, static service locators disguised as "facades" are a bad design. Rebuilding entire backend in Node for that reason alone is dumb. Laravel features a PSR-compliant DI container and supports dependency injection with autowiring, you can very well write a nice, decoupled, SOLID code using Laravel. But it's rather not the thing people have in mind when picking it over Symfony or Laminas.
Again, why would you care whether some functions that you don't use are available should you want to use them someday? It's not as if there's a huge list of thousands of functions stapled to the beginning of all your code files that you have to scroll for 5 minutes before reaching your code.