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Comment by D13Fd | Hacker News Reader

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D13Fd·

I have 4 kids ages 6 and under. This is what you say:

"You can't share the legos and play nice? That means that the legos are going away for tonight."

"But we can share!!"

"Ok, but this is your last chance."

[kids play nicely or legos go away]

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If you are lucky that works, but such conversations can also easily end with everyone in tears, “You don’t even like me!” “You don’t want me to have any fun!” “Everyone else was playing nice and it’s all your fault X!” etc. or various forms of subtle nastiness that goes under the radar and doesn’t disrupt the parents [which for some parents counts as mission accomplished]. In my house outcome depends substantially on whether kids (and parents) have had enough sleep the past few nights.

Some of my childhood friends with “sane” and “reasonable” parents (and who themselves grew into lovely adults) were incredibly cruel to their younger siblings, but were smart enough about it that adults never noticed.

Also, just because the kids stop shouting doesn’t mean they’ve come to a resolution that all of them feel are fair. It could just mean that one of them decided to the best strategy is to let the Wookie win.

Is that a bad thing? You have to learn to deal with conflict at some point.

> You have to learn to deal with conflict at some point.

Some become conditioned into being doormats for the rest of their lives, just to avoid conflict. IMO, it's a very bad thing.

They become doormats when their parents deal with everything for them, not the other way around.

That's a very broad brush you're painting with, and I disagree with it. A lot of bullying victims cope by withdrawing, avoiding social contact in unfamiliar situations and going to great lengths to avoid conflict.

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