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Comment by sarchertech | Hacker News Reader

I wouldn’t simply say no either, but to be fair their advice was to start with no. Then wait for their reply to determine whether you need to provide a detailed explanation or not. Essentially use their reply to smoke out the people who are going to get angry even if do you give an explanation, so you don’t waste time.

I don’t know if the overlap between those 2 groups (people who get mad at “No” with no explanation, and people who get mad at No with an explanation) is great enough that this advice makes sense (I doubt that it is), but it’s more nuanced that just saying No.

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I think the prior comment is pretty spot on. It's hard for me to think of anyone I might ask for something and not feel annoyed or even disrespected if I was given absolutely no explanation. Even if I had reached out to someone I don't know, basic politeness would dictate some sort of reason even if it's a "sorry I don't have time for that right now" or even "I'm just not interested in participating".

If I actually knew the person, a "no" with no explanation would virtually always have negative consequences. To a boss, it would likely be insubordinate. From an in subordinate, the same and would likely elicit a "I beg your pardon?" From a friend or colleague, it would cause me to question our friendship.

In the modern world, politeness is largely built on a willingness to explain and give verbal consideration. Not doing so will often (if not usually) feel disrespectful or like some sort of power-play.

I’m not saying it’s good advice, but the critique was missing the 2nd half of the advice. This was the top comment, and many people won’t read the article.

I also think the article is likely a bit hyperbolic/clickbaity, and what the author would actually say is something like, “No. Sorry” or “No. Sorry. Don’t have time.” As opposed to “No. <detailed reason why>.

I used to explain everything, but then people pressured me a lot on most of my "no". It was interpreted as start of negotiation or maybe I was then seen as potential pushover, I don't know.

I learned to say no with no explanation and look a bit sad while doing it. Pressure stopped, people accept my no as valid and seem to treat me with more respect.

So, plain no is not attack on you. It is experience that explanation makes one vulnerable to uncomfortable pressure.

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