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Comment by acidbaseextract | Hacker News Reader

I don't regret putting it off until my 40s because it let me find a person I want to have a family with

Thank you for including this tidbit. I'm a man in my early 30s interested in having kids and recently discovered that I've poorly vetted my 5+ year SO's interest in having kids. Her "yeah, I'm hypothetically interested" has become "hard not interested".

The requirement to break up with her if I want kids is deeply painful, but the real source of my dread is the feeling that I won't then be able to find someone good in time. I'm very glad you found someone good to have a family with.

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Break up with her now. There are plenty women your age of younger that know they are getting closer to the point of no return and are desperate to have kids. I’m similar age but my wife is 35 and lemme tell you what, she wants to have some dang kids now (and we’ll have one soon).

And what do you mean by “in time”? Assuming you are 32/33 you have plenty of time to find another partner. When you’re 50 you will feel so silly for feeling old at 32/33. Just make sure the next partner is on the same page relatively early.

It’s your life, not your partner’s, go live it how you want.

I just left a relationship for this reason, and it is so deeply painful. I wish you the best. I think it is the right decision and that making it sooner rather than later is best, but it is not easy.

Please google "future faking." It's a typical thing that people with narcissistic tendencies do. I don't know your situation or your girlfriend, of course, so I could be totally off-base. But the painful and avoidable situation you're in set off red flags in my mind. (I was in a long relationship with a narcissist and unfortunately had to learn all about their habits in order to figure out what was going on.)

This made me feel really sad. If you had to decide today, what are you gonna do? Did you know you wanted kids 5y ago?

> I've poorly vetted my 5+ year SO's interest in having kids. Her "yeah, I'm hypothetically interested" has become "hard not interested".

Can't this be a simple yes/no answer? I have never been a relationship. So pardon me if I am being ignorant.

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