For what it's worth, all your bullet points describe a pretty normal and healthy person to me.

a lot of of these patterns are very paradoxical.

I think this means that you're a balanced person but maybe your maybe your anxiety energy is a bit strong.

No matter how hard I try I can't do them any faster

Maybe stick to slow instead of trying both slow + fast. You can also think about why fast didn't work.

when I get some free time I get anxious about having to use this time wisely

This last one hits pretty close to home for me as a person and I really wish I knew how to set up my free time better :)