Here's an ebook that might help folks understand the gateway/processor dynamic: http://feefighters.com/ebooks/what-is-credit-card-processing... (written with US audience in mind, but most of it holds true worldwide)
To get a US merchant account, you need a US Tax ID/Bank account (acquirable with Delaware company) AND a US Social Security number for someone who has ownership in the company. Unfortunately that is the minimum that underwriters will accept... AFAIK you need the same stuff with Stripe, Samurai, and Braintree.
One thing to realize is that for us startups serving startups, we would love to do the rest of the world but there are a bunch of complications that come with doing so (timezones, currencies, partners, taxes).
We (http://samurai.feefighters.com) hope to be in Australia in the near future. If interested in Samurai for Europe or Australia, give us your email address here: https://docs.google.com/a/transfs.com/spreadsheet/embeddedfo...
If interested in Canada, use this form: https://docs.google.com/a/transfs.com/spreadsheet/embeddedfo...
As for the beaches, I hope to find out soon :)