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Comment by johnwheeler | Hacker News Reader

> That really does happen better in person

Says who? Some management study? My anecdotal experience tells me I’ve formed stronger relationships over zoom and slack than I have working in person with people I truly cannot stand. At least with zoom and slack, if I don’t like you, I can hide your window behind my IDE.

And there’s no rule that says I have to like everyone and everyone has to like me. There’s no rule that says I should want to spend my free time with so and so. How about, I choose who I spend my time with and you choose what I work on and pay me for that?

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> My anecdotal experience tells me I’ve formed stronger relationships over zoom and slack than I have working in person with people I truly cannot stand.

I mean if you can't stand the people then you're going to have poor relationships with them regardless.

Right, so might as well stay home and hide their window behind my IDE

I once worked with a dude that would come into my cubicle every morning eating chunks of watermelon out of a sandwich baggie. He would just stand there smacking his lips and slurping up watermelon juice, purposefully trying to be a dick.

I shouldn’t have to deal with that or be expected to get a new job. And management shouldn’t have to sift through that passive aggressive behavior and make arbitrary judgement calls of who the dick is. Just let me spend the least amount of time as possible with him, and I’ll be happy. Respect my freedom to choose who I want to associate with.

Petty life pro tip: find out what jerks dislike and do it very discreetly.

Confronting bullies is a game of chicken and most bullies can't really take it. You just have to hold the line or make them think you will.

Better pro tip: Outright avoid assholes if possible. I don't want to play such mind games.

> I shouldn’t have to deal with that or be expected to get a new job.

Did you try asking him to stop, or to eat somewhere else?

You’re gaslighting.

Not necessarily;

if the elements of a person we find objectionable are things that only exist in person then different modes of communication may mitigate those.

For instance, if someone doesn't like me because I interrupt conversations with irrelevant anecdotes in a way that derails the topic and being on a zoom call makes it much more effort to take over the conversation, then that might actually improve our working relationship.

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