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Velocity is real, distance is real, time is how we've decided to describe their relation.

Physically and philosophically, the "idea of time" isn't real. It just helps us describe our reality.

velocity is defined as distance over unit time so I’m not sure how you square that circle

Semantics but velocity being a measurement of somethings movement through a distance is exactly what I'm saying time is. I've stated that we use time to describe stuff, like velocity. But "time" as a physical property like gravity does not exist.

You could probably replace the usage of "time" with "increase in entropy", but it just makes it harder to understand WRT velocity. As your velocity increases, the entropy in the universe has increased as a result of whatever mechanism for acceleration is being used. If it's gas, then you are going from a nice, mostly orderly/low entropy liquid in a container, to a chaotic, high entropy gas that's now in the atmosphere.

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