As someone who moved from the Northeast to Los Angeles for work, LA is not really what it was advertised to me. Outside of certain special areas, it's a dump, and I don't want to settle here.
There are several comments in this thread already with this general vibe. As a CA resident, I definitely don't disagree, but I travel a lot in the US and outside it, and have done so for most of my life (immigrated here fairly young), and I'm really confident when I say that, in terms of infrastructure and general urban/suburban aesthetics, the US has gone from "fairly bad for a developed country" to "complete shithole" pretty quickly in the last ~20 years. (My experience is mostly with larger urban areas, for context, so maybe rural USA doesn't feel as much like Mad Max.)
Every time I come back to the US, as soon as I deplane into the (inevitable) 65 year-old airport with low popcorn ceilings and stained carpeting, I sense it more and more. If I'm coming back from another 1st-world country, it's like "this feels like Guatemala", and if I'm coming back from Guatemala, it's like "this feels like Guatemala". (No hate on Guatemala btw it's an incredible place with incredible people, but it's very poor (thanks in large part to US but that's another hot take for another thread).) This is an anonymous internet comment on an emotional issue so maybe I'm like 10% exaggerating here, but mostly not.
And areas with the highest levels of migration tend to be magnets strictly on the basis that they do have more vibrant economies.
The fact that the US saw massive growth in the decades following WWII, and that much of that building stock and infrastructure were built quickly and cheaply, or are just simply old, also contributes. 40--60 year infrastructure, particularly where weather is a factor --- freeze-thaw cycles, salt, and moisture especially --- can beat the heck out of virtually anything surprisingly quickly.
It's also news to me that a generalised opposition to government and community investment is an ideology especially acquired from immigrants, unless you're referring to, say, the Murdoch family.
That is an amusingly low standard.
I lived in the south, primarily in Texas and Georgia, but I spent a lot of time in Tennessee and Alabama and Louisiana, too, and I'll pass, pass, pass, pass, and pass on all of those places, too.
So, out of the 9 states in this country that I've personally spent significant time in, in many cases living in these states for years of my life: California is the only one I'm willing to put down roots in because I have a minority wife.
Baltimore is a low standard but you could trip over the fucking bar in this country.
It sounds like you've spent time in areas that tend to be more racist than others, particularly the south. I'm sure you and your wife would have different experiences in the northeast, northwest, north midwest, or even Colorado. California will certainly be better than the south too, but it seems like the places you've been aren't generally the most welcoming to whom they deem as outsiders (non white).
It sounds like they have a pretty solid take on good destinations as a minority, since they have experienced quite a bit that they would still see in the areas you mentioned.
By the way, people fly confederate flags in the northwest too!