For me, the root cause of problems here, is not the “soft”, after work hours—some jobs need that kind of thing—but rather the escalation of expectations without another negotiating opportunity.

It’s a lot of work to enter into employment arrangements with a company. For both the employee and employer. What’s problematic is when either side is “surprised” by a change in expected behavior after the fact. It’s frustrating, because you have sunk cost in entering the employment agreement. So middle managers abuse their employees by springing these types of things after the job has gotten going. The employee has the freedom to walk, but not without paying a certain opportunity cost.

The job offer should make very clear up front in the listing what these “soft” expectations will be. And if they do, the employee/employer needs the recourse to renegotiate the situation.

I’ve seen this go the other way as well. Employee takes job, puts in a few months, and then springs untold issues on the employer. Like the abusive middle manager, if they make it minimal enough to just be annoying, it’s not worth firing them for it, it just becomes a drag on everyone else.