College today has way more responsibilities. It has to fix rape culture, dismantle patriarchy, fix diversity, organize protests... All that costs money. In 1990ties 20% of students got raped, nobody wants to go back to that dark times!
Why it would be parody? It is a reality. I can provide quotes from university officials.
it depresses me that you are being serious.
Life and parody is indistinguishable now. Like it's difficult for me to cone up with any ridiculous statement that I could publish, and someone online would not take it seriously
The 20% rape is a fiction. Patriarchy in university is a fiction based on the number of females graduating (even in science). Organizing protests is not a part university's mission.