> Quality of life cooped up in a dense urban setting, especially with a family, is awful.
This is unbelievably subjective, and you simply cannot state this as if it's a fact. I have lived in rural, suburban, and dense urban settings, and my quality of life was by far, by far, the highest in the city. Almost every aspect of my life was improved when I moved to a dense urban center.
Urban centers are not simply desirable because of jobs! Many of us simply prefer the lifestyle they afford!
But don't make the mistake of conflating 700 sqft apts w/urban centers. On today's remote wages, an engineer can afford the kind of modest home in a walkable urban area in many parts of the US, but affording that on even NY and Bay Area Big Tech wages is looking out of grasp for that next generation. It certainly looks a lot riskier.
Frequently you get people pointing out that highly dense areas require different approaches to planning and transportation, but that's hardly pushing some lifestyle on anyone who isn't interested in it.
Same here, and the other families that lived in the dense urban center with us would agree. In fact, when we were thinking of moving from suburb back to city, we literally stopped families at parks in the city and asked them. Literally every one of the 10+ families we asked told us we should absolutely move!
Yes, we didn't have a driveway or big yard, but we did have a nearby park which became our yard, and most of our adventures didn't require a car, anyway. We'd simply walk out the door and go to one of the parks, restaurants, museums, etc. within a short walk. We'd bike or take the subway for longer distances. Without a yard or house to take care of, I had both weekend days available.
I could go on and on. My family and I found the energy of the city invigorating and I'm totally cool with the fact that others may not, or that going out and about all the time is not their idea of awesome.
As for the gym, the workshop, the office, I'd personally rather share those with the community. As mentioned, I'm in the city because I enjoy being around people, which isn't to say that I want to work in an office (hell no), but I do want to work in public among people doing their own work (and who, unlike co-workers, won't be constantly pestering me with questions).
Which is to say, my riposte is that the older I get the more I realize that community is what I crave, and that I was dissatisfied with the community that I found in my rural and suburban lives: finding a community in the city is harder, because you actually have to try, but much more fulfilling IME.
If I'm honest, a big factor for me is probably related to my financials. When I was young, I was pretty poor and lived in shitty neighborhoods in low quality but high density buildings. Thirty years later, I live in a pretty great suburb in my own house with my best friend/wife, dog and my kids (who are home from university for the summer). The night sky here is decent, but I know it could be even better.
Cities Aren't Loud: Cars Are Loud [1]
Having lived in many different types of cities, it is always the car-centric downtowns and suburban main-streets that are loudest. Well designed & walkable cities are actually pretty mild when it comes to noise.
Most of the US has outlawed the 'middle housing' [1], leaving us with massive crammed skyscraper concrete jungles or sprawling suburbia.
Cities in developed countries around the world do not have to made this trade-off between space and walkability. Apartments are sufficiently big for families, while having everything within arms reach.
If anything, public spaces allow for more amenities available for more people. Unless your definition of space is 'private' space (private gardens, private yards, private gyms), there is plenty of space in well planned cities.
Lastly, suburbs simply do not pay their fair share in taxes. [2] They are incredibly inefficient and deplete city resources such that the city goes bankrupt the second a recession hits. I would be fine with suburbs if that's what people want. But, pay your fair share in taxes, renounce any high ground on the climate change debate and for the love of God, stop making anything that isn't a suburb illegal to build. (looking at you Berkeley...and every other deep-blue liberal suburb)
If I could choose I'd probably go for a house, not as big, within 1 hour trip to a big city. That way I could get the best balance for my lifestyle.
People who want to and can work remotely should move to suburbs, dropping rents and housing costs in the dense urban centers.
Suburbs should also be redesigned with more neighborhood commercial so that they're less designed around driving for miles to massive clusters of big box stores.
It would also be interesting to have more decentralized density, so clusters of density out in present-day suburbia. That could provide a bit more population density to support the commercial real estate for the surrounding low density residential.
Look up a listing of music playing this weekend in NYC, for example. Look up arts and museums. etc.
I think the big kicker is that city living in the US is drastically overpriced.
We moved to the countryside to be closer to my wife's family. My family lives in a big city in another country, so we could have moved there instead, if that didn't involve a massive pay cut.