A few lines above it says their mathematicians proved the theorem.

Your funds are safe. I have discovered a truly marvelous proof of this, which this margin is too narrow to contain.

Yes, it's satire

It's satire. ZeroStableCoin, the coin that is stable at zero.

Why yes we can. The visionary pioneer of stablecoins (and occasional mathematician) Cauchy came up with a theorem to determine if the path you take with your investments in fact adds up to zero.

We do not just hope that our coin has a stable value. We constantly check contours of complex functions to ensure your investment remains at zero at all times.