Comment by MisterBastahrd | Hacker News Reader

Comment by MisterBastahrd | Hacker News Reader

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It's a shame, but I have personal experience with shit-tier foster parents who "took care of" my own adopted children whose birth mother is an absolute piece of human waste and whose fathers were never identified.

My toddler was brought to us at 11 months without the capability of turning himself onto his stomach. He had hair missing from the back of his head because he laid in a crib all day long.

The other one was physically and verbally abused by the children of the foster parents she was staying with. This is after being taken out of her original household because her mother had a tendency to live and do drugs with pedophiles. Other than her school clothes, all the rest of her clothing was too small for her, so she's got photos of a Disney trip (the foster parents were "Disney adults" who would save up foster money to go on trips) in her school uniform while the biokids were in normal kid clothes.

It was stories like this that made me realize that I don't have to be a super-parent to be a good foster parent. I can be a regular good parent and still be way better than the alternatives that would otherwise exist for a child that's placed in my care.

Realizing that there are kids out there that need someone to take care of them and that I don't have to be perfect to provide that care is what really got me thinking seriously about foster care, instead of thinking about it as "something other people do."

Kids aren't interested in how much you have, or where you came from. They won't necessarily be "grateful" in what you provide for them, because they don't quite get that "being provided for" isn't supposed to be the norm. They show their gratitude by growing and thriving, and eventually when they grow up, they'll finally "get it" and know. Love them, provide for them, survive their moments of immaturity, console them when they need it, guide them even when they don't want it, and they'll be come a reflection of what you want the world to be.

It's the foster kids who become permanently adopted who are a little bit different. They're the ones who understand that love isn't to be taken for granted, and so they appreciate it when you become the parent who will always be there for them, in ways that people who have never been so alone will ever fully understand.

I'm very sorry to hear that. It breaks my heart when this happens. (it's why we got into foster care!)

Luckily, we bought and were gifted so many clothes for our foster kid that our own bio kids are now wearing them after they left.

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